Why Love is Frightening

Why is love so frightening?  Because love requires death of the ego.

What most people think of as “love” is nothing more than ego gratification. Someone does something that someone approves of, so he “loves” her. What he “loves” is the fact that something was done that his ego wanted, not the sentient being who did it, because as soon as she does something he doesn’t approve of, his “love” will turn to anger, resentment, or hate. True love cannot do this.

True love endures through all, even when the doer commits undesired deeds, because true love loves the doer, not deeds.

As long as the ego is in control, no understanding or love is possible. Therefore love requires the ego to die.

Ego-death is a frightening experience. The ego is a shield that we have carried for most of our life in an attempt to protect us from hurt. There is nothing more frightening than putting it down, because doing so leaves us totally naked and vulnerable.

So, in order to truly love, we must stand in total nakedness and vulnerability. As long as we “protect” ourselves with our ego, we will be unable to love. We will continue to judge others, wanting them to jump through hoops, deluding ourselves that we “love” them when they do, and feeling pain and resentment when they don’t. All relationships – whether intimate, familial, or friendly – will be rollercoasters of desire, judgment, expectation, and disappointment.