This article, which contains ideas from some of my other posts, was featured on MyEmpoweredWorld.com
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You were whole and at peace once. Then people criticized, ridiculed, or placed
expectations on you.
Since your true self wasn’t “good” enough, you created
another “self” that you hoped would be more acceptable. You “performed” in order to be loved, accepted,
or “successful”: you competed in athletics, or used cosmetics/clothing/bodybuilding
to make yourself physically attractive, or studied/cheated for exams, or showed
off your possessions/accomplishments, or accumulated money, or acted “cool”, or
joined groups, or put others down (to make yourself look better by comparison). You’ve perpetuated this “self” for
decades. Since the things that compose it
are not you, it is, by definition, a false self (also called ego).
Realize that you are not “wrong” or “bad” for having an
ego. It is your way of avoiding the pain
of non-acceptance. It is
self-defense. And you know what? We’ve all done it.
Because it’s not real, a lot of time and energy must be
invested in the ego in order to keep up the façade. You see, anything real exists on its own and
needs no outside help; anything false disappears as soon as upkeep stops. This is why losing a game, failing an exam,
making a mistake, not getting a desired item, or not being as pretty/rich/cool
as someone else causes pain: the ego that we have tried so desperately to
upkeep disappears. Our mental
fabrication is exposed as a fraud. We
live in fear of this happening, which is why we fear loss, failure, lack, and
inferiority. We think about how to
prevent these “calamities”, so we cannot enjoy the present because we’re
calculating how to use it to improve our future.
As painful as this burdensome ego is, we insist on carrying
it. Why?
Because we’ve invested a lot of time and effort in it. We have wealth to hold onto, a reputation to
uphold, ideas to maintain. We believe
that these are all we have -- indeed, all we are -- so we accept the worry,
regret, anger, and frustration as the “cost of doing business”, the price we
have to pay for our material wealth, social status, etc.
The upkeep of the false self is nothing short of
slavery. It is a daily chore. Our reputation, wealth, etc are not joys but
compulsions. Do we really own them, or
do they own us?
We might attempt to become happier by “improving” ourselves:
we join a gym, buy a new wardrobe, take a class, learn how to paint, go on a
diet, or whatever. These activities can bring
health and/or enjoyment, but if they’re done only to increase our or others’
opinion of us, we are merely exacerbating the ego problem. How can adding to the false self – the very thing
that’s making us miserable – make us happier? The best we can hope for in this endeavor is temporary relief via
either gratifying or being distracted from the ego.
Seeing bigger muscles or nicer clothing in the mirror gratifies the
ego. Focusing on exercising, painting, or studying distracts us from the ego. However, after the activity is over, the
painful thoughts and feelings generated by the false self will start again, and
we will feel miserable when we’re not looking in the mirror or exercising or
learning or painting.
The only way to stop the agony is to shed the false self.
This is easier said than done, of course. Egoic thoughts are bad habits that have built
up momentum over decades, so you won’t be able to stop them overnight. Could you ride a bike or drive a car or throw
a basketball through a hoop the first time you tried? No. It
took time, practice, and diligence. Well, so does living free of the false self.
Each day, spend a few minutes letting go of thoughts. It might seem impossible at first. Eventually you will be able to quiet your
mind for just a few seconds at a time before thoughts creep back in. Each day or week your “thoughtless” gaps will
grow longer. These gaps are the real you
experiencing being.
In your everyday life, whenever you find yourself resenting
someone or worrying that you won’t get something you want, stop and ask
yourself:
“Is he/she really that bad?”
“Is worrying going to help me get what I want?”
“Do I really need this thing that I want?”
“Do I want to keep torturing myself with these painful
thoughts?”
Over the course of months/years the bad habit of ego will
lose momentum and weaken because you will no longer be feeding it. You will see that your ego has been nothing
more than a huge, painful illusion. You
will no longer carry any burden. You
will feel free, clean, and light. You
will see things as they are. What a
great feeling!
