We’ve all
felt it: that inner sense that something is missing. It gnaws at us even when
on a physical level things are going pretty well. We might have a good job,
relationships, health, and hobbies, but still something is amiss. We might then
seek ways to fill the void. Religion. Therapy. Money. Television. Sex. Possessions.
Travel. A new relationship. A new job. A new hobby.
What we
experience is a lack not of anything external, but of our true self. We keep up
a false self, all the while losing touch with who we really are.
If you ask
people, “Who are you?”, most will reply, “I am Michael/Jennifer, man/woman, husband/wife/single,
father/mother/childless, American/Chinese/Irish, Christian/Muslim/Jew/Buddhist,
Republican/Democrat/Libertarian, 20/40/70 years old, a
teacher/doctor/lawyer/engineer.” They think that they know who they are, but
they don’t. All those attributes that they ascribe to themselves are just
features of their temporary life situation. All of them can change or could
have been different. Anyone could be born in any country, at any time in
history, with any skin color, with any particular religious upbringing. Anyone
can lose their job, get married/divorced, procreate, become ill, or change
religion or political party. We all gain and lose objects, wealth, relationships,
and abilities. Our bodies age.
Our viewing
these arbitrary, temporary, vulnerable things as “us” causes a gnawing sense of
insecurity, because we’ve built a mental house of cards that we know deep down could
crumble at any time. This is the source of the emotional void, the inner sense
of lack that pushes us to pursue things such as wealth, social status, and
accomplishment in a futile attempt to add security to the insecure state we are
in, to add stability to the inherently unstable mental construct we uphold.
This mental
construct – the ego – is a façade that we present to the world. It is a grand
image-maintenance project that we spend lots of time and effort on in order to “prove”
to others and ourselves that we have value. We define ourselves by a
respectable career, a devout religious/political belief, parenthood, athleticism,
humor, physical attractiveness, or whatever, all the while ignoring who we
really are. We have done nothing more than blow up a balloon, which has a
flimsy outer shell, with nothing inside it, so if it pops, nothing will be
left. As long as we continue to believe that we are nothing more than this
balloon, we will remain terrified that it will pop, thereby annihilating us.
The fear of annihilation
causes a very predictable knee-jerk reaction of self-defense. People defend
their balloon with competition, criticism, deception, arguments, and even
violence. Whenever someone demonstrates an irrational need to acquire, to win, to
be praised, to be right, to feel superior, or to oppose anyone
who doesn’t agree with them, it is nothing more than a fear-driven effort to
protect the mental construct that they mistakenly believe they are.
What causes
people to believe so strongly that they are
their ego? Conditioning. The belief has been ingrained for so long that it has
become unquestionable. Further, since they have invested so much time and
energy in it, they don’t like the prospect that they have been wrong (the ego
hates to be wrong) or that they have wasted a lot of their resources.
Actually the resources spent on the ego
have not been wasted. They have been used in the vital process of learning what
the ego is and how much pain it causes. This can wake us up and therefore be an
extremely important part of finding who we really are.
If we would
only let go of the image that we so desperately clutch, we would see that all
this time we have foolishly clung to nothing. We would realize that the ideas
we’ve desperately maintained for so long are not us. This would open the door
to finding our true self: the unchangeable awareness that perceives but is
independent of any name, race, gender, age, nationality, career, accomplishments,
or belief system.
The true
self is the one and only thing that we cannot lose, because it is us. Only things that are not us (objects
and ideas) are subject to loss. Our true self is, by definition, always secure.
Therefore when we discover who we really are, we find the security we have so
desperately been seeking. There will never again be any reason for fear, insecurity,
or the void.
