One
thing that most of us want is connection with other sentient beings. These can be friends, acquaintances, lovers,
teachers, family, or pets.
Many
“relationships” are maintained strictly for worldly gain. Business contacts, partners in crime, and
members of the same political party associate with each other in order to gain
money and/or power. Some “friends”
merely use each other to gain or maintain social status. Some intimate partners use each other for
wealth, sex, or security. These are
arrangements of convenience wherein people view others as vehicles via
which to obtain something, to get rather than give, to stagnate rather than
grow. Since false selves are involved,
these relationships cannot be anything but false.
True
relationships are based on spiritual connection. They involve giving without trying to get,
and wanting nothing from someone other than their company. What makes these relationships true is that
true selves relate to each other.
We
have all been part of false relationships.
We’ve associated with acquaintances and dated people that we didn’t care
much about and/or who didn’t care much about us. As we go through the trial-and-error process
that this life entails, we learn about ourselves and others, and use what we
learn to develop deeper relationships.
We might leave a trail of temporary contacts in our wake, but if we’re
lucky, we find a modest number of lifelong loved ones.
Sometimes
we discover that people we believed cared about us really don’t. Maybe they borrow money that they don’t pay
back, or seem to never be there to help us in our time of need, or make no
attempt to get together with us socially except for parties where lots of other
people are invited. Many people ignore these red flags because they don't want to entertain the painful idea that their “friends”
aren’t true friends. But it is
much better for growth and ultimate peace to realize who our true friends are
and to weed out the deadwood than it is to keep associating with people who
don’t appreciate us.
Even
family members can disappoint us. Just
because someone is a blood relative, that doesn’t necessarily mean that they
will love, appreciate, or respect us.
Remember, we cannot choose our relatives. They are just as random as people we meet on
the street. Most people, related to us
or not, live via a false self, which causes them to judge, use, and battle
us. We need to find out by people’s
actions just what kind of relationship we have with them, and not let blood
relatedness exempt them from this test.
The
only good relationships are those in which true selves relate to each
other. Thus, two or three true friends
are much better than a hundred acquaintances because only the former will share
their true selves with us.
